Et tu?
It’s funny how nostalgia has a way of setting in the second a decision is made. External factors can be whatever you’d like them to be, yet it isn’t until that precise moment that your conscious comes in line with your subconscious that you truly start to feel that sense of finality. This is that post, the one where I talk about how I decided to leave the Peace Corps.
This isn’t the post where I talk about how disillusioned I’ve become, or how home sick I am, or how doing little to nothing day after day has led me down a spiraling road of depression. Because frankly, that’s all a load of bull shit. I’m about as happy as it gets here. I’ve had an amazing experience, a wonderful host family and community to foster that time and fellow Peace Corps Volunteers that have been there going on the ride along with me. My time as a Peace Corps Volunteer has been an invaluable experience with unbelievable ups and downs. It’s been a time where I’ve come face-to-face with all that I hate and love about myself and I’ve come out the other end a more whole individual. It was also a time when I realized that no matter where you are, it’s always someone’s home and, to them, it’s about as interesting as a pile of cow dung.
I don’t think I can pin just one reason down for the decision. Since visiting home in October for the funeral of my grandmother, I’d come to realize something about myself. I’m not as cold as I like to think I am. Living in a host family of 8 and being surrounded constantly by PCVs with healthy home relationships really did something to my system. It showed me the strength and happiness that comes from family. My constant need to find the next adventure, the next escape, has essentially left me finally at a state where I’ve realized the one thing I’ve neglected is as important as everyone says it is. Then again, if I hadn’t spent the time I did here, I may have figured that out a bit too late in life.
I’m not going to get all sappy in here, spilling my heart out like some 16 year old, considering this is public domain and can be read by anyone, but I feel like a watered down explanation was warranted.
Aside from the family aspect, my time at site has drawn to a close in terms of how much I can continue to contribute. With the school attendance rates rapidly dwindling, the prospect of teaching as a way to keep busy seems a bit uh….optimistic.
All of those projects I’ve been ranting and raving about for the past year? They’re doing great. Actually, they’re doing so great, that it hit me hard and fast (that’s what she said) that I’m not the integral part anymore. BCDO has done a remarkable job adapting, learning and replicating (actually improving) what I’d introduced.
A year later, they’re a full fledged organization with funding, a waterwell, an organic farm, a full list of tourist activities, alternative fuel source production and research, volunteer teaching opportunities, community outreach programs and so much more. I can’t help but smile at the fact that I had a hand in that. And, while it pained me to realize I was no longer needed, there’s a huge satisfaction in the fact that I watched it happen and I know after I’m gone, they’ll be moving right along.
So, with a date in mind and the next steps being lined up, I’m leaving here with a happy heart. I couldn’t be in a better place with my time here, my decision to leave and the next steps. And thanks to the hilarity that is nostalgia and the wonderful mind tricks it can play on us, I have a true appreciation for all those annoyances and am looking to soak them all up, one by one, until that fated flight back to the States.
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