The Balancing Act
As many volunteers will attest, the first six months at site are marred by psychological dilemmas ranging from morals and ethics to personal goals and knowing when to let go and when to go forward. In my near 123 days in Cambodia, I can personally agree with this to such fervent tenacity that I would be willing to go to the mat with anyone who disagrees with such statements. The Peace Corps credo and mantra for the first 365 days at site has been “find a mental and physical balance in all that you do.” For some, this has meant attempting to go head first into projects, attempting successes at site through teaching, focus groups, and other events. For others, this has meant find routines that make the days easier to live by. Having switched between both of these methods in the past month or so, I am starting to realize the latter holds a truism much greater than the former. While we would all love to be instantly successful at site and gain true happiness from knowing our successes benefit those we came to live along side with, I, as some of my other fellow Peace Corps volunteers have realized, that success can not come from thin air.
What I mean by this statement is simply this; we cannot expect success in our mission to occur if we do not have the basic building blocks to make those ideas a reality. Simply expressing a desire to start a project, or hold an English class may help garner relationships in the community, but we cannot expect to see results from the first step. This is not a simple exercise of a wind of change coming in and leaving soon after. Much of our mission in Peace Corps is simply to become aware and integrate within our communities. Doing so requires a level of self awareness to create positive relationships. For myself, this has meant that hoping to draw successes from the community to affect positive change in both myself and those around me has been ill-founded, even if it has been based on positive notions. While I would love to affect change, considering myself able to do such in a community I do not yet understand and quickly dismiss as lazy and ineffectual is the height of hubris. I am now starting to realize those personal goals and aspirations that only we can make happen- exercise habits, reading, learning, etc- are what can help give us those building blocks to feel success at site, even if they do come from a more self-serving purpose.
But as they may be self-serving, so is our time here. Yes, I do want to be here to give a helping hand in a community I will be living in for the next 19 months, and yes I would like to see that change continue to grow after I leave, but how can I do that if I, myself am not happy? Try as I might to affect change, I am starting to realize attempting to do so this early in my time here is akin to reading a book in the dark. I may recognize aspects of that which may benefit from my involvement, but without proper understanding of the environment, norms, and history of the community around me, I cannot truly hope to change anything until I know all that I can.
So step one: Find a balance. If the vehicle of change is not running properly, how can it expect to get anywhere?
-Matt